It’s been almost two years now since my mother died. I got just a bit of a smile out of the pop-up email reminder from FTD that today would have been her birthday. As if I’d ever forget. Not a morning goes by that I don’t miss her or a night when I don’t send her my love before I go to sleep, especially on her birthday. No matter where in the world I made my home, no matter whether the two of us were speaking or feuding, I never forgot her birthday. There was one time I refused to acknowledge it, done in a mean-spirited attempt to hurt her, but I never forgot what day it was.
I wish I could take back that nastiness now, when I can no longer call her to tell her Happy Birthday. When I can’t make it up to her anymore or tell her that I’m sorry for hurting her. Because I know I did. That’s the kind of family we are. We’re close, and small things make a huge impression, for good or otherwise. That action still makes me cringe with shame, especially since she often told me how proud she was of the person I was becoming. Was I trying to prove her wrong? Or was I just not able at that point to be the person she saw? The regrets are endless, no matter that I felt justified at the time.
On this anniversary of my mother’s birth, I woke up remembering this instance for some reason. The sadness of the day weighed heavily already, and this memory made it just that much harder to set the ache aside. But Mom told me something once after I’d gone through a particularly ugly time in my life. She said there’s nothing you can do about the past except get past it. Regrets don’t help. Anger at yourself, remorse, guilt feelings – none of those will ease your sorrow over what has gone before. You can only go forward. Pretty smart lady, my mom, right?
The more I think about that, the more I see how wise her words were. I can’t change the things that happened, and since she’s gone now, I can’t let her know how much I didn’t like being that person then. But I can sure go forward and stop beating myself up about it. I can resolve to be the “me” Mom always knew I was. This day should be all about the celebration of my mother’s life, not about all the things left unsaid. Remembering the best of her (and of me when I was with her), that’s what her birthday should bring to mind.
So Happy Birthday, Mom. Thank you for being my mother. I love you so very much.
Published by micaraerossi
I was born in New York state. My first book was made of stapled-together penmanship paper and entitled “The Big Snow.” My 2nd grade teacher 'published’ it, and I did the illustrations entirely in blue crayon. Since that time, I've written three novels and countless short stories. Most have not been published. Yet.
It’s good practice, what I've written so far. These stories and novels may never be seen by the public, but each one taught me a little more about my craft.
As an avid reader, I can’t remember a time when there weren’t books around the house. Even when I was broke, I still had a library card. I read every book our small library had to offer, and we took out stacks of children’s books for my kids.
I read teen romance comic books, but never a romance novel until I worked the graveyard shift in the maternity ward. At three in the morning, you either have to read or fall asleep, so I picked up a copy of “Sweet, Savage Love” by Rosemary Rogers and was instantly hooked. I devoured all the historical romance novels I could find. Later, I discovered more urban love stories, and eventually, paranormal love stories. In the paranormal world, I found my home.
I love the juxtaposition of an urban setting against elements of magick or faerie, demons, ghosts or mythical creatures. There’s something that draws me to those pockets of our universe where the laws of physics can be ignored, or at least trifled with.
Now working as a paralegal to pay the bills, I hope someday to make writing my full-time career. I'm a member of several different writing groups, online as well as in the real world. “The Sweet Life,” a novella included in “sex, lies and scandal in Two Rivers” (2013 by Two Rivers Romance Authors), is my first published work. Although not a paranormal romance, it is definitely romantic. It involves a hunky man, a spunky woman, and French pastry. What's not romantic about that?
My second published work is a short story in Eight ‘Til Christmas, a book that one of my writer’s groups published and now sells for charity. “The Wish Your Heart Makes” is a fairy tale set in a non-existent castle on a non-existent island in the middle of Niagara Falls.
“One in a Blue Moon” is my first full-length published novel. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it, and that you’ll fall under Finn’s spell right along with Caighleen.
Happy reading...
View all posts by micaraerossi
Mica Flecks 